If you are like me, the words "doo-hickey" and "thingy-mabobber" appear in your conversations far more often than you hope.

So, if you are thinking about letting your special assistant use power tools for Christmas, but are not sure about the jargon, here is a list of the most popular tools and describes their role in a language you can understand...

-Drill press. A tall vertical machine used to suddenly snatch a flat metal bar from your hand, let it hit your chest, and then throw your beer to the other side of the room, placing you carefully in the corner The new painting project here is ruined, and there is nothing to get it.

-Line reel. Remove the paint from the bolts, then throw them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. It can also remove fingerprints and hard-won calluses on your fingers. It takes about time for you to say "Oy!"

-Skill saw. A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

-Pliers. Used to round bolt heads. Sometimes used to make blood bubbles.

-Belt machine. An electric sanding tool, usually used to convert minor repair work to major repair work. This is a sophisticated tool, and the difference between too much pressure and too little pressure equals the new cost of whatever you want to polish.

-Hack saw. One of a series of cutting tools based on the principle of the psychic board...It transforms human energy into a curved, unpredictable movement. The more you try to influence its progress, the bleaker your future will be. . A better hacksaw should have band-aids.

-Vise. As a close relative of the pliers, use the auxiliary handle behind the pliers to completely round the bolt head. If no other methods are available, they can also be used to transfer the intense welding heat to your palm.

-Oxyacetylene torch. It is almost exclusively used to ignite various flammable items in stores. It is also easy to ignite the grease in the hub where the bearing is to be removed.

-Table saw. A large stationary power tool, usually used to fire wooden projectiles to test the integrity of walls. If you can't cut straight lines, it is also used to create the manly "burning wood" shop smell.

-Hydraulic floor jack. Used to lower the car to the ground after installing new brake pads, and firmly fix the jack handle under the bumper.

-Band saw. Most shops mainly use large fixed chainsaws to cut high-quality aluminum sheets into smaller pieces, which are easier to put into the trash can after cutting the inside of the production line instead of the outside edge.

-Straight screwdriver. Tool to open paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common flat-blade screws into non-removable screws and slaughter your palm. Can also be used as a chisel. There are many sizes, but you can only find a size that is too big or too small for your screw head.

-Phillips screwdriver. As the name suggests, it is usually used to remove Phillips screw heads. When used with a straight screwdriver, it is guaranteed to erase the holiday cheer smile from any potential gift recipient. You can also throw some pliers.

-Hose cutter. A tool used to make the hose too short.

-Hammer. The hammer was originally used as a weapon of war and is now used as a divination wand to locate the most expensive part adjacent to the object we are trying to hit. Also good at changing the color of thumb nails.

- Utility knife. Used to open and cut the contents of the cardboard box delivered to your front door; especially suitable for seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collectors magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially suitable for cutting work clothes, but only when in use.

-@(% tool. You grab and throw any handy tool in the garage while shouting "@(%&#" with your lungs. It is also, the most common, the next tool you will need.

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95.5 WSB House

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